Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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