I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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