I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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