while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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