how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize