i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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