Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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