that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize