just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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