I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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