working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize