i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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