He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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