I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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