At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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