I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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