Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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