It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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