i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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