hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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