alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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