I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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