I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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