No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize