My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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