yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize