you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
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..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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