I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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