somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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