I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize