Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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