Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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