my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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