Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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