instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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