Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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