i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
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This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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