I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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