You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
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She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you had me at cake vodka
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
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you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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