Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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