i love accidental penises.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize