Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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