i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this boner is exhausting
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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