I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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