so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize