brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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