i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize