I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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