You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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