I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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